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My mother gave birth
to me in a house in Wallaceburg, Ontario, Canada. She died two hours after I was born. She was only 25 years old. The doctors attending her did not know how to stop the bleeding that took place after the birth.
By far the most damaging thing my father did to me — more lasting and more hurtful than any of the beatings or neglect — was to drill into my immature mind, over and over again, that I had murdered his wife. He told me this repeatedly, since the time that I was very small. Worst of all, I had no reason not to believe it. Even before I was six years old, I was a self-confessed murderer.
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I believe that the heart of a child is the heart closest to God. Children are not fully developed psychologically or intellectually, but I believe they possess an emotional pureness that is too often purged from them as they are encouraged to “grow up”.
To me, maturity is meeting the challenges of life, taking responsibility for oneself and one's dependants, and growing spiritually, emotionally, and interpersonally. It should not mean “killing off” the child within; rather, I suggest that it is virtually impossible to achieve grace, and to stand in the light of grace, without the pureness of spirit that God graced us with as a birthright. To honour that spirit is to honour God.
Rather than suppressing the child within me, I release mine appropriately in moments of play, joy, and communion. I am capable of being serious, focused, respectful, or attentive when my outer adult is needed. But I will never again allow the natural child within me to be locked in a cellar or left to die.
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All content ©2009 Happy Ness |
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An interesting thing
happens whenever someone flips through a copy of my book
2000 Adventures of a
Man Called Happy Ness,
I've heard it, as my previous editor has heard it: “I can relate to that story... a lot of this stuff has happened to me...” someone will say. This is not particularly surprising.
My story is another version of a very common one — the story of how a human being can get off-track, fall into sin and error, waste the vital life source, let down himself and those he loves, and fall into despair.
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